Best Wedding Wishes!

Wedding Party

Beginning the mashing of the spices

Mashing tumeric and other spices

Bride and groom soon to be smeared in tumeric!

Dulali, the new wife in her reception shari

Porimol and Dulali cutting cake at wedding reception

Tumeric and me :)

I think I may have discovered my favorite Bengali tradition-Tumeric parties! It is an opportunity for all to come and give the soon-to-be couple their best wishes, and….have some fun too J The evening before Dulali and Porimol’s wedding ceremony, the culturally rich Tumeric Party begins with a chain of women (in red and yellow sharis) filling jars with water, putting mango leaves on top, and trailing towards the front, each holding the ‘tail’ of the woman’s shari in front. Rinsing the wooden board and grinder, 5 women put their hands on a grinder and together ceremoniously begin mashing the spices. Fresh spices of all kinds, but mostly turmeric, are ground and set aside. Then there is a ‘tasteless’ bark that all the unmarried women eat so they will get married soon….my piece, however, had a taste that made me gag so bad I had to spit it out! I guess I won’t be getting married anytime soon J Then the groom is carried in like a baby and seated under the yellow and red decorated covering. Finally, the bride is carried in the same fashion and seated next to her groom. After a special dance from two talented young girls, the guests file up to the couple, each one smearing the freshly mashed spices all over the bride and groom, wishing them the best. In return, the couple also dabs the cheeks of each guest with the spices. At this point, it’s a free-for-all; grab as much spices as you can and run around smearing it on clean faces and trying to dodge those doing the same to you! Even the kids got into it—and though you’d think the height difference would be an advantage, I was surprised at how well they could sneak up and jump and still get you in the face! After all faces were yellow at the party(and many necks, and arms as well), we went in search of those who had run away—NO ONE was spared a little tumeric in the face except the Waids who locked themselves in their house (they’ve experienced their fair share of tumeric parties already).  It was a terrifically exciting and splendid mess! I understand why red and yellow are the choice garment colors for this occasion…tumeric can stain J

The next morning, after getting most of the yellow off our skin and hair, we escort the bride to the back of our ‘multi-purpose’ (café/church/whatever) room which has been simply yet nicely decorated. A short ceremony later—they’re married! Then it’s time for a few pictures and lots of waiting while specially hired cooks make especially tasty curries and dhal for the reception. I was watching one guy cook in a huge pot over a fire he dug in the ground and he must have poured close to an entire gallon of oil in one pot of curry! It’s really a wonder all these Bengalis aren’t overweight! A few hours later when the food was ready, those that stuck around after the wedding gathered for a picnic-style reception where everyone was fed as much rice, dhal, curry, and veggies as they could eat! A simple wedding cake had been purchased and the newly weds cut the cake, fed each other, then all the guests walking by fed them as well! Couples eat A LOT of cake at their weddings here! After the meal, the bride and groom departed for their villages where more wedding parties and festivities were to be had.

It was an unusual Bengali wedding in that it was not an arranged marriage…they were boyfriend/girlfriend before they decided to get married. Even so, marriages here are not all about love and happiness as I always thought they were. I am grateful for the opportunity to witness other kinds of marriages, but they make me even more sure that I will marry out of love—not because someone tells me, not because my a friend/parent sets it up, not because I wouldn’t have to worry about supporting myself. I love love even more now!